Edwin K. Yager, Ph.D.

Most of us were taught that it is wrong to be selfish. That lesson is impressed upon us in many ways by parents, school and church. However, there is another way of thinking about selfishness. Perhaps it is neither wrong nor right; perhaps it is simply a fact of life, a fact that has not been clearly understood. With but a little thought, most would agree that we are selfish beings; it's the way we were created. And if that view is accurate, then either selfishness is good or we are fundamentally bad. Since we are apparently not fundamentally bad, selfishness must be good. It is good because it provides us with the motivation to do good things, things we would not do at all were we not selfishly motivated to do them. We must do things to satisfy our own needs, and many things we do for ourselves benefit others as well. In this view, selfishness is seen as a virtue.

Acceptance

We believe what we were conditioned to believe. We do what we were conditioned to do. And, we were not consulted about how we wanted to have been conditioned. The result is that we hold opinions and display attitudes and behaviors that are quite beyond our ability to change, even though we may wish to do so. Fortunately, at least on the surface, we usually seem able to accept ourselves as we are, and we may staunchly defend the way we are, and our right to be that way. At the same time, we may be critical of someone else for being as he is. In some situations we may want (and even expect) the other person to change, to conform to our values, or to satisfy our needs. Then we may be surprised and severely disappointed when the change we want is not forthcoming.

Acceptance means giving the other person room to be and do what he or she is going to be and do, whether or not we accept him. Neither they nor we can be other than what we are.

Forgiving

If we blame ourselves for something, we may experience guilt. If we blame another, we may experience bitterness. Either way, we lose. Guilt and bitterness are sources of a great deal of unhappiness. To experience either is to use mental energy in negative ways that prolong those negative feelings by excluding productive thought and by distorting reality. Forgiving, either one's self or others, is the way out of the traps of guilt and bitterness.

Relationships

Marriage and Divorce

We meet, we fall in love, and we marry. We honestly expect that marital bliss will go on just as it is, forever. It doesn't. The problem is that we change with time. Our values change. Our interests change. We meet new people and form new friendships. And unless we consciously and aggressively do things to maintain the marriage, we inevitably drift apart, both intellectually and emotionally. Of course, that doesn't mean we have to divorce; many problems can be solved or resolved, making it possible to stay together. Furthermore, many marriages remain intact even though one or both partners are unhappy. Usually, within each of us, there is a core of values and interests that do not change significantly over time. Many of those elements that drew us together are still there, just masked by today's concerns. These elements are important and worthy of acknowledgment and consideration.

Obviously, the fact of inevitable change doesn't mean that divorce is inevitable. It does mean, however, that life may not be as perfect and wonderful as we expected, and the thought of divorce may cross our minds. Many of us will seriously consider divorce at one time or another. Many of us will complete the process; some will do so unnecessarily.

Some of us are not free to divorce, regardless of the situation. Others, although not restrained by religious convictions, family pressures or other influences, may stay together "for the sake of the kids" or for other such reasons. If you are in such a situation - not free to leave, or not choosing to leave, and yet not happy where you are - a re-consideration of your attitude is in order. After all, if you are going to stay in the marriage, you may as well be as happy as possible while you are there.

Marriage begins as a purely selfish step. We appraise the other, react in physical and emotional ways, and decide “that person is for me!” Then, with the passage of time, the romantic glow fades and, if the marriage is to remain happy, something must replace it.

Hopefully mature love, respect, and above all, friendship, evolve to fill the void.

Relationships and Separation

During the course of life we meet many people, are attracted to a few, become acquainted with some of those, form friendships with selections from that group, grow close to a few of those and, as one out of many hundreds, we may bond in true, caring friendship.

It is an unfortunate fact of life that so many of those we have learned to care about go separate ways from ours.

It seems that only commitment keeps us together.

Handling Teens

Punishment does not work. Imposing consequences does work. The difference lies in the impersonal nature of consequences; consequences are simply inevitable and unyielding. Imposing consequences permits the parent to assume the mantel of one who cares and can sympathize, rather than critici

ze. Thus, inter-personal stress is minimized.

Sex

Sex! The very word commands attention. It is the most intimate of human experiences, the favorite topic of low humor and of high, the subject most commonly occupying our thoughts, and the subject least likely to be discussed freely in our culture, though most in need of discussion. It's almost as though taboos preclude discussion of those matters which warrant such discussion most. Sex is too important not to talk about! Ignorance and misinformation about sex produce much unnecessary guilt, fear and unhappiness!

Essays on Emotions

Handling Stress

As an inevitable factor in life, stress has earned an undeserved bad reputation. Some of us thrive on it; others are defeated by it. So, what makes the difference? I believe the difference lies in our attitude about those things that cause undue stress. I believe also that we can change our attitudes, given the knowledge of how to change them and the motivation to do so. Your therapist can teach you how, but the motivation must come from you.

An influence that is a source of stress for one may not be for another. I have a colleague who thrives on working 70-hours per week. I doubt I could survive such a schedule. Yet he considers the meticulous woodwork I do as a hobby to be intolerable. Perhaps the simple, rational consideration of the source of stress as a fact of life, rather than as an insult to our integrity; as a conceivable source of value, rather than a burden to be borne, will provide the change in attitude that is required. Of course, such change in attitude must also be embraced at an unconscious level of awareness if it is to be effective, and engineering that change may require professional help.

Bitterness

To be bitter is to be unhappy. To experience bitterness is to occupy one's mind with imagery and feelings of repressed anger that prevent pleasurable experience and productive thoughts. To be bitter is to experience energy which is almost certainly exerted in the wrong direction, energy that does not affect the object of the bitterness, yet may be devastating to the one who is bitter. Bitterness is usually the consequence of taking personal offense at something someone has done, or has not done. If the "personal" element of the offense is taken away, only disagreement remains, and disagreement need not be destructive.

Guilt

In its most basic form, guilt is the consequence of a past decision: a decision to do, or not to do, something that one now feels guilty about. That decision may have been made after reasoned consideration, or may have been made, as many decisions are made, in response to emotional influence, without appropriate, rational consideration. Even in spite of rational consideration, our (learned) values impose a great many "shoulds" and "shouldn'ts" on our behavior. And while the values we hold can largely be traced to parental teachings, any source we then considered authoritative may have contributed. If we behave contrary to a value we learned as a child we may feel guilt, even if we no longer hold the particular value to be valid. Then too, guilt may be unconsciously experienced, manifesting in various unfortunate ways, requiring intervention at the unconscious level for elimination.

Grief

It is universally human to grieve. We may grieve over the loss of a loved one, the loss of a pet, or the loss of some material object. In all events, in grief, the mind is monopolized by awareness of loss to such an extent that the normal view of life becomes distorted. We may become incapable of reasoned judgment and rational decision. "Working through" grief is a process of re-establishing appropriate and realistic perspective about our values, and of re-establishing the ability to reason. In essence, it is a process of transferring mental activity from an awareness of loss in the past, to an awareness of present reality, including strengths, abilities and assets.

Essay on Pain

Pain

Albert Schweitzer once called pain “a more terrible lord of mankind than even death itself.”

Even so, pain is essential to life; we simply could not live without it. We would behave in self-destructive ways without being aware that we were doing so. Yet, pain can also be dysfunctional, inhibiting awareness of life’s values and meaning.

This article is addressed to the latter case.

Some Rules about Pain

Pain is about perception, and perception can be modified.
Pain is always real to the person in pain.
Chronic pain always has unconscious purpose, in addition to conscious experience.
Physical pain may be caused by either physical or emotional trauma.

The Purpose of Pain

Pain is the mind’s way of getting attention. It is a protective mechanism, regardless of the cause of the pain. Moreover, the purpose is rarely recognized consciously. In addition, once established as a pattern, the pain response can persist long after the original purpose ceases to have meaning. In this situation, the pain is maintained unconsciously for reasons that were real and valid in the past —when the pain began—but are no longer real or valid in current life. When both conscious and unconscious domains recognize that the pain no longer has valid purpose, direct hypnotic suggestions can take root and the sufferer can experience relief.

The Treatment of Pain by Hypnotic Techniques

While direct or indirect hypnotic suggestions may relieve pain temporarily, or even possibly “permanently,” the use of hypnotic techniques to identify and resolve the unconscious purpose or cause of the pain will often be required to provide sustained relief. Resolve the cause and the pain can then be relieved. Subliminal Therapy is the treatment of choice for this task.

It is true almost without exception that a person can obtain some degree of relief from pain by changing perception in ways that can be understood as hypnotic, yet are not obviously hypnotic. Early in my treatment plan for pain, I may point out that: “If a large and ferocious dog were to come through that door right now, clearly about to attack you, you would not at that moment be aware of anything except the presence of the dog; you would be unaware of your pain. You would be experiencing the ability of your mind to direct your conscious attention away from the pain. This is an illustration of hypnotic phenomena, and as we work together, I will be teaching you how to utilize hypnotic phenomena to mitigate the pain you have been experiencing.” Note that I have not promised to eliminate the pain, only to mitigate it. In some cases it may be possible to entirely eliminate the pain, and if so it should be done; however, some level of discomfort, in some situations, may be desirable for some purpose, whether identified consciously or not. It is best to be conservative.

In some situations, the treatment goal can be to teach the patient to perceive the pain in a different way, as opposed to experiencing it. Perhaps a tickle, itch or sensation of an odor would serve to satisfy the need of the unconscious. This situation might apply where the pain has valued, identified purpose, such as avoiding a person or situation, and it is unconsciously okay not to suffer from it.

Acute pain

Acute pain is defined as pain having recent origin. Examples of causes include physical injury such as a broken arm, or an emotional shock such as losing something or someone of esteemed value. Grief can cause muscles to cramp resulting in acute pain, and that can become chronic.

Since acute pain, by definition, does not afford time for the person to incorporate unconscious benefits, or reasons to continue, direct hypnotic suggestions are apt to be effective, both for immediate and for longer term relief, although it does no harm to investigate the possibility that such a benefit has been incorporated.

Chronic pain

Chronic pain is defined as prolonged pain. Typical examples include the pain associated with arthritis and spinal damage, yet even these pains can be managed with hypnotic techniques. During the course of the pain experience, benefits of feeling pain can accrue without conscious awareness that it is happening. Examples of such benefits include getting attention and avoiding undesired situations. We are talented at taking advantage of whatever life offers; we derive benefit where none is at first apparent. These benefits are seldom recognized consciously and can become the basis for maintaining the pain. To achieve relief, they must be identified and considered in the light of current knowledge, and, assuming the conclusion is reached that the benefit no longer applies, or that it is not worth the penalty (the pain), that unconscious conditioning can be reversed and the pain relieved. However, until all such unconscious benefits and purposes have been identified and resolved, direct hypnotic suggestion will likely provide only short-term benefit, if any at all.

Cyclic pain

Examples of cyclic pain are migraine and tension headaches, premenstrual pain and morning sickness. the fact that the pain is cyclic probably rules out the possibility of physical or organic cause; they are almost certainly psychogenic. For example, organically caused pain from a brain tumor does not present cyclically, nor does the pain associated with cancer, another organic pain source, although it can vary over time. Nevertheless, if it decreases to zero, it is most likely psychogenic. The cause of cyclic pain, just like the other classes of pain, must be identified and resolved before effective, lasting relief can occur. In the meantime, direct hypnotic suggestion may provide significant temporary relief, and the use of self-hypnosis can also be of real value in masking the pain.

Severe pain

Either medical or psychological causes can be at the root of severe pain, and either class can at least be alleviated with hypnotic techniques. Pain is always about perception, regardless of the cause and regardless of the severity. “Severe” can refer to acute or chronic pain and in unusual cases to both. An advantage of hypnosis in dealing with severe, as well as other pain experiences, is that disassociation can be experienced more easily and disassociation provides for the alteration of perception.

Phantom pain

The most common example of this class of pain is Phantom Limb Pain. Here, the pain is perceived to emanate from a location that no longer exists, e.g., an amputated arm. However, there are cases in which pain is reported to be experienced outside the body in some other “phantom” location, as though it has been disassociated. Often, the abrupt cessation of such pain in response to hypnotic suggestion is sufficient to bring about permanent relief; however, long-term relief can be better assured by resolving related influences that might cause it to continue. For example, if the patient has unconsciously learned that pain has the benefit of getting sympathy, it is apt to continue in spite of the conscious, rational opinion of the patient, until that unconscious belief has been reconditioned.

Emotional pain

We speak of emotional pain in the same framework as physical pain, and in fact, it can evolve into actual physical pain through the action of smooth muscles reacting to the emotion. Also, verbal expressions of emotional pain parallel those of physical pain, perhaps constituting an unrecognized suggestion to experience physical pain.

Whether the pain is emotional or physical, treatment should begin the same way. Unconscious involvement should be explored, and since there is not conscious awareness of that involvement, treatment must address the unconscious domain directly. Any unconscious influence that might prolong the pain must be resolved and, again, Subliminal Therapy is the most effective and the most efficient way to do this.

Possible Unconscious Causes of Pain

Unconsciously inspired self-punishment is often involved in causing and sustaining pain; some long-forgotten act that was regretted then, and yet is now laughable, can cause such self-punishment. Relief from emotional pain can often be achieved by experiencing physical pain. There might be an unconscious belief that pain is deserved, inevitable, or is unavoidable. The pain could be a way to stay awake, or to avoid awareness. In short, any imaginable reason could be the cause, and our imaginations know no limits. As stated above, the task of relieving unconsciously inspired pain must include identifying and resolving the unconscious basis for the pain. With the use of Subliminal Therapy, a significant number of my patients have succeeded in relieving severe, chronic pain from injuries and surgeries experienced years ago, injuries that have required morphine patches for relief until treated by Subliminal Therapy (See “Patients Reports” on this website).

Career Development

What Holds You Back?

If indeed you are being held back it could be due to most anything. The first step in resolving the problem is one of identifying the barrier.

• If it’s lack of knowledge, perhaps the boss is the best source of guidance about what to learn and how to learn it.

• If it’s your personality, your real friends are the best source of identification, with professionals to aid in accomplishing change.

• If it’s a matter of opportunity, broaden your horizon by joining groups of interest and network for new opportunity.

• If it’s your self-image, you will not likely be successful in changing it without professional help; friends don’t usually know how and the required insight is not available by self-examination (We lack perspective about ourselves, we get lost in the bias of wishful thinking and emotions).

Six Hints for Success

1. Take responsibility for your status in life. Until you do so, you cannot change it.

2. Go to the boss with a solution, not just a problem.

3. Avoid closeting your ideas. Even though someone might steal one, expressing them opens the door to more of the same and you build that reputation.

4. Risk asking for what you want. If you never ask the question, the answer is always “no.”

5. Leave your personal problems at home.

6. Argue for your limitations, and sure enough, they are yours! (an aphorism from “est”)

Therapeutic Philosophy

In my view, therapy is a process of aiding the patient to accomplish the changes desired by the patient; the therapist’s values must be kept out of the process except to offer consideration of alternate concepts. It is the role of the therapist to teach the necessary skills and to guide the patient in using those skills to accomplish change, not to be involved in the value judgments within the process itself. The patient has to do all of the work of therapy; the therapist cannot know all that is pertinent to the problem and is therefore necessarily on the outside, offering encouragement, information and support as necessary.

Clinical Hypnosis

Hypnosis has gotten a lot of bad press. In uninformed circles it is viewed with suspicion, as the work of charlatans, or even as sinful. This is both unfortunate and actually surprising since its use is endorsed by established religions, including the Catholic Church and the Jewish Faith, not to mention the American Medical Association, the American Psychological Association and the American Dental Association. The membership of the American Society of Clinical Hypnosis is made up of professionals from all recognized disciplines in the health and behavioral sciences, and the Society for Clinical and Experimental Hypnosis is international in nature. It’s hard to imagine stronger endorsement.

What it is

We use the word “trance” to describe the state of mind that is commonly understood as being “hypnosis.” It is that state of physical and mental relaxation, coupled with unusual physical and mental abilities, that has been of such great value to so many. Actually, trance is but one of many hypnotic phenomena, and can be learned by any mentally competent person.

Hypnosis is, above all, a natural experience. It is an experience we all have many, many times in life without identifying it as hypnosis. We spontaneously slip into a hypnotic trance any time we are intensely emotional about something, such as when frightened, or angry, or grieving. Other examples include being in a movie, when the rest of the world ceases to exist, and include certain exercises of breathing to relieve stress. We also experience hypnosis when we are in the presence of authority – whatever we consider that authority to be. Perhaps the authority is a physician, teacher or (especially) mother. In such situations, we are more open to suggestions that may be stated by someone, inferred or imagined.

We can also experience trance on purpose, for some particular reason. We can do this when guided by another person, or when guided by ourselves, which we would call “self-hypnosis.”

Hypnosis is a state of mind that opens doors not normally open. In trance we can demonstrate strengths (both physical and mental) that are not available to us normally. We can change the way we “spontaneously” behave and we can influence the way we feel, and the way our bodies function. More importantly, for clinical purposes, we can think more clearly and we can remember things far more clearly and accurately.

What it is not

Hypnosis is not a state of unconsciousness. It is not a state in which control is given to someone else. It is true that we can be tricked while in trance, but then we can be tricked without trance as well. Indeed, responsibly used, hypnosis is a way of gaining control, not of losing it.

Because it is such a natural phenomenon, one of the most common reactions expressed by those experiencing hypnosis for the first time is to honestly question that they experienced hypnosis at all. We are led by misinformation to expect something different, something un-natural, and when that doesn’t happen we may question that anything happened at all. Yet, when the changes that do occur, and there are a number of them, are pointed out to us while in trance, we can recognize its value.

Trance work

I teach self-hypnosis to all of my patients. That is, I teach them how to go into trance whenever they wish. As mentioned, trance is just one aspect of hypnosis, and is the state many refer to as being “hypnosis.” At least in the clinical setting, trance is a state that is easily experienced and easily learned. If there is fear, or concern about it in any respect, the fear can get in the way, and so it is important to be adequately reassured of its safety in advance. Once trance is experienced, all concerns about it cease to exist.

The most commonly recognized characteristic of hypnosis is that we are more suggestible than normal. As used here, “suggestible” refers to the ability to absorb and make a part of our experience some idea or concept, perhaps integrating it even without being consciously aware that we are dong so. In the clinical setting we may use suggestions directly for some purpose, or we may use other abilities that are afforded by the state to gain understanding of the causes of problems. That is, to “uncover” the influence that is causing the problem being addressed. Once the cause is understood, the door is open to change the consequence of the event that caused the problem. This is another way to use hypnosis and it is the most effective way in many cases.

Conditioning

We are conditioned by our experiences. We believe what we were taught to believe. We hold the values we learned early in life. We may be limited in some way only by believing we are limited. The blessing is that if we were conditioned one way, and if we know how to do so, we can change that conditioning. Hypnosis provides the means to change conditioning.

Hypnotic phenomena

In trance, we can increase or decrease the intensity of an emotion, or of our senses. We may focus our attention on something, or away from something, simply not being aware of it. We can increase muscle tension, as would happen if we were terrified, or we can totally relax. We can separate from emotional influence, or increase (or decrease) physical strength. We can remember events that are not available to us in the normal, waking state.

The trance state also permits the use of unconscious intelligence. The idea of being able to "think" unconsciously may be unusual, but we all do it. We may solve a problem while asleep, or drive a car in heavy traffic without consciously focusing on every step we take. In trance, we can use this intelligence to solve problems and to make desired changes.

Areas of application

Each of the following areas of applications of treatment by hypnosis may involve direct suggestions, or may involve using hypnosis to uncover and correct influences from the past that are causing the present problems.

Relieving emotional distress

Whether depressed, anxious, or experiencing another unpleasant state of mind, we have likely become obsessed with our experience and may have difficulty relating to any other reality. In such a situation, experiencing the trance state will likely provide immediate relief and can set the stage for further work.

In some instances patients may respond to "symptomatic" suggestions, making further treatment unnecessary. Frequently, however, even in those instances where relief is immediate, total and dramatic, the symptoms are apt to return. In such instances long-term relief will likely require identification and resolution of causal influences.

Resolving the influence of prior trauma

Conditioned responses resulting from trauma may persist for a lifetime. Phobias, tics, stuttering, compulsions, obsessions, sexual dysfunction and various illnesses are all examples. It is as though a lesson is learned in an initial, sensitizing situation that was clearly appropriate for that situation, and yet the lesson continues to be controlling in spite of rational recognition of its current inappropriateness. It seems also true that the very traumatic nature of the initial experience may result in its memory being repressed, thereby making resolution difficult.

The concept of "resolving" influences from past experience is fundamental to analytic psychotherapy. Accomplishment first involves the identification of causal influence, beginning with the initial sensitizing event and including subsequent contributing events. It is here that hypnosis is of such great value. Identification is followed by objective evaluation of these influences and events from the perspective of present, more mature, knowledge and understanding, thereby achieving re-conditioning. The trance state can dramatically facilitate this process as well.

Behavior modification

Behavior resulting from conditioned response can be altered in a number of ways, using various techniques. The hypnotic trance can aid each of these techniques,. Indeed, the trance state can facilitate each to a degree that is often surprising,. The additional use of hypnosis to gain knowledge and understanding of the initial, sensitizing event, thereby permitting re-evaluation of its elements from the perspective of present, more mature knowledge, may prevail in the most difficult situations.

Altering physical responses

The link between emotion and physical response to emotion has been well established. For example, there is an impressive list of physical changes that take place in response to anger. They include changes in blood chemistry, heart and respiration rate, brain function and the pattern of blood flow in the body. A similar list applies to the emotion of fear, and other lists apply to other emotions. All this being true, it follows that we can influence physical functions by controlling emotions, a feat that is facilitated by hypnosis.

We know, for example, that stress can cause illness. It follows that relieving stress will facilitate healing, and hypnotic techniques provide by far the most efficient and effective way to relieve stress.

The correlations frequently observed between emotional state and physical disorders such as asthma and tension headaches, situational reactions such as anxiety, and many other disorders are common examples of the influence of unconscious intelligence that is misguided by unfortunate experience.

In response to hypnotic suggestions, such medical wonders as anesthesia, limiting blood loss in surgery, cardio-conversion, moderated pain in childbirth, altered physiological response to medications and a great many others are routinely reported by clinicians who employ hypnosis in their practice.